Today, I do not have to go to court. YEAH.
Well they say you should always begin a story at the beginning and this one starts this past spring. There I was at work, minding my own business, when the phone rang. Now normally the office assistant answers the phone, but she was at lunch. So being the proactive little dooby that I am, I answered it. Big Mistake. The person on the line wanted to know if a certain doctor was on staff, and when I said no, that doctor hasn't been here for years, the voice on the line said and I quote "Got Her."
Well it turned out that the person on the line was a cop and the her in question was using a stolen prescription pad to write scripts for Oxycontin and Percocet. "Hmm, interesting," I thought to myself as I hung up, little knowing what was headed my way.
Well folks, what was heading my way was subpoenas and my new career as a state's witness. Try as I might to wriggle out, there was no wriggling. I was caught and I was going to court.
Court Appearance #1
If you think when you are a witness, you are treated the same way the jurors are. Forget it, you aren't. You have to sit on a hard bench, in the courtroom until you're particular case is called. I guess they keep you like a trapped rat so you won't bolt. I was forced to sit there for four miserable hours while my state's attorney, during breaks in the action, would walk over, point, and tell the defence attorney that her "star witness" was here. Lucky right?
Anyway during my four hours I saw and heard some interesting things. All of the defendants looked like executives or clean cut coeds. They were dressed as if to say "look see how respectable I am. You couldn't possibly think a solid citizen like myself could have possibly done that?" The attorneys were all dressed in black suits and, when they weren't working, sat around gossiping or doing other meaningful things like playing Angry Birds on an ipad.
My favorite defendant, I kid you not, was seen distributing drugs on a church parking lot and when the police caught him, he had forty bags of marijuana in his underpants. Let that thought sink in. What was he wearing maternity underwear? I could see maybe eight bags, but forty. Jeesh. Just as I was calculating how get got all of those bags in there, (did I mention that they were four very long and very boring hours) my new best friend the state's attorney came over and told me that our defendant took a plea deal and I was free to go. So, cold, the courtroom was freezing, starving and developing what turned out to be the beginnings of a migraine, I left.
Stay tuned for Court Appearance #2