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Sunday, August 18, 2013

M. Dweezil's Ecole de Charme - Part 3

Dweezil smiled over at Annie. "Well are you ready to try your table manners?

"Oh yes, Daddy Dweezil, I'm ready."

"Daddy Dweezil," he thought happily to himself, drawing his paws to his chest. "She said Daddy Dweezil.  She didn't say Daddies or Daddy Dweezil and Daddy Squigman, she only said Daddy Dweezil."

This observation was not lost on Squig who was sulking in the corner, pretending complete disinterest in the whole thing.

"Now if my off the air assistant will please bring the food bowl out." he instructed as a large pink bowl of wet cat food materialized. "When you're ready Annabelle, let's see how a little lady eats her dinner."

Dweezil was horrified to watch Annie scrunch down, wiggle her butt, and without further ado launch herself over the desk, landing with all four feet in the bowl.  His shock intensified as she buried her face in the food, messing up her carefully tied bowl.

"Annabelle," he squawked, what are you doing? You are supposed to be eating  like a lady, like a Dweezil Do."

"Oh yes, she said with her mouth full of food, "Chicken, I definitely smell chicken. It has the bouquet of a whole bunch of chickens. And it has the flavor of a whole bunch of chickens with maybe a rooster tossed in for spiciness."

"No, no, no," Dweezil shrieked  That is not right. " Did you learn nothing from my instructive Dweezil Do film."

And with that Squig turned to face the camera and said happily. "That's my little girl, folks.  Isn't she a pistol?"

Dweezil however, took off his beret and buried his face in his paws.  It was obviously going to be a very long, uphill slug fest, turning this little hooligan into a proper cat.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

M. Dweezil's Ecole de Charme - Part 2

"You traitorous snake," Dweezil hissed, "you wouldn't dare."

"Oh wouldn't I, Squig hissed back.  "And as far as being a snake, you bet I am.  I'm the great big boa constrictor hiding in the tree waiting for your fat weasely butt to come by and then I'm going to drop down on you and start, choking."

And with that the fight began in earnest.

"Daddies!," Annie screamed running up to them.  Stop that right now.

"Daddies?" Squig thought in  mid choke.

Daddies?" Dweezil thought in mid chomp.

"Daddies!" they said in unison, turning their heads to stare straight at Annie in shocked disbelieve.

"Yes, daddies," Annie remarked, primly.  It makes kittens upset to see their daddies fight.  Now shake paws and say you're sorry."

Squig spit out the words first, without feeling any remorse at all.  He was followed by Dweezil, who muttered something about traitorous snakes under his breath.

"That doesn't sound like an I'm sorry to me." Annie admonished.  You try it again. Now shake paws and say you're sorry.

"I'm sorry," they both said slowly and shook paws with a decided lack of enthusiasm.

Retrieving his beret and turning to face the camera, which he sincerelty hoped had not been filming this entire time, said, "Well now that we have seen the Dweezil don't of table manners, let's turn our attention to the Dweezil Do, featuring, you guessed it, me."

"Why am I not surprised," Squig said under his breath, garnishing him a stick eye from Annie.

"Now said Dweezil, notice how I am patiently waiting for the food to come to me.  See the lack of interest I am displaying, as if food is the last thing on my mind.  Once it has been placed in my bowl and set near me and only after several seconds of my human telling me how wonderful it is and begging me to eat, do I slowly walk up to the bowl. Now I sniff the entree, taking in the bouquet. Ah, I believe it was chicken and tomato. Next I take a sip of the broth and savor the flavors.  And finally when each of  these steps has been completed, do I condensed to take the first bite.  Hmm, delicious I seem to be saying.

And smiling into the camera, Dweezil purrs happily, "Bon Apetite."