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Sunday, September 15, 2013

The Plot Thickens

"Daddies," Annie asked innocently,  putting her front paws behind her back and crossing her claws for good luck.  They were all sitting in the den and her Daddy Dweezil was reading the paper while her Daddy Squig watched TV.

"Yes, dear?" Dweezil asked putting down his paper and neatly folding it up.

"What do you mean, safe," Squig squawked while jumping up and down in his seat."You blind moron, the runner is out.  Anybody can see that he's out.  Is everybody on the field asleep. Why isn't somebody protesting that call!"

"Ahem, Squigman," Dweezil interjected,"Annabelle has something that she'd like to ask us.  Go right ahead Sweet Pea, now what did you want to say."

"Yeah, Annie what's up." Squig asked turning his attention away from the blind moron and runner who was clearly out.

"Well," she began, "I would like to suggest, that it might be nice, if we sort of, you know, kind of like invited a lady cat to come over and stay with us."

"A what," Dweezil and Squig asked in unison.

"You know," Annie squeaked, "A grown up girl cat..."

"Oh Squigman," Dweezil asked innocently, "might I have a word with you in private?"

"Oh sure, Dweeze," Squig answered hopping  and following Dweezil down the hall and into the kitchen.

"There will be no lady cats living in this house!" Dweezil pronounced banging his paw down on the counter for emphasis.

"But Dweeze," Squig interjected wanting to point out the obvious, that their Annie was going to be a lady cat in a few short years.

" Do you know what they call two or more lady cats gathered together?  Dweezil asked narrowing his eyes and twitching his tail.

"No." Squig answered shaking his head.

" A lynch, that's what they call them. A lynch of lady cats.  A lynch as in a lynch mob, because that's what those lady cats are compelled to do, string up some poor unsuspecting gentleman cat and change his life forever."

"Now how do they do that, Dweeze."

"It all starts with doodads." Dweezil explained, "Each lady cat comes complete with doodads and if you don't see them right away, it's not because they're not there. She's just got them hidden .You see doodad hiding is part of her sneaky and devious nature.

"It all starts off innocently enough," he continued expansively, warming up to his subject. "We'll come home one morning from a fine nights hunting, and there it will be, one innocent, innocuous looking doodad. But don't be fooled my friend, no don't be fooled. Because while we are sleeping, that one innocent, innocuous doodad will have spawned two others. And then there will be ten doodads cluttering up our house and then two hundred and then two thousand, and before we know it our comfortable abode will have been converted to a shrine to the almighty doodad," Dweezil thundered in tones that would have made an evangelical preacher proud.

"But that's not the worst thing she'll do," he hissed  lowering his voice for maximum effect. " You see, that lady cat will not rest until she's turned us into her own personal doodads."

"Now Dweeze, be reasonable." Squig asked, trying to interject some sense into this ridiculous discussion that was quickly spiraling out of control. "How on earth can a lady cat turn me into a doodad?

"Easy," you poor naive thing." Dweezil sighed, shaking his head. "It will have happened before you realize its done."

"No it won't,"

"Want to bet."


"You're on."


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